Why You Shouldn’t Put Your Parents in a Nursing Home?

As parents age, many families eventually face the difficult question of whether long-term care in a nursing home may become necessary. For adult children, placing their elderly parents in a nursing home can feel like giving up on caregiving or betraying their loved one’s wish to remain independent.

So, why shouldn’t you put your parents in a nursing home?

You shouldn’t put your parents in a nursing home because putting parents in a nursing home can lead to social isolation, depression, and a potential loss of independence. Quality of care can vary significantly between facilities, with cases of elder abuse and neglect reported. Additionally, nursing homes impose a significant financial burden, often averaging $90,000-$100,000 per year.

However, in some cases, declining health and emerging care needs may make a nursing home the most suitable option. This decision involves weighing many complex factors related to your parent’s physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Their health conditions, safety at home, social isolation, fulfillment in life, and the mounting challenges of caregiving all play a role. While limited in independence, nursing homes provide levels of medical care and supervision that may no longer be achievable at home. The costs of this full-time care are also considerable compared to part-time home care.

Navigating when it may be time for you to transition your parent to residential nursing care is an intensely personal decision that varies for each family. This article explores the key signs indicating it may be time for nursing home placement, alternate options to delay this major move, how to ensure excellent care, and strategies to manage the guilt and grief involved in this loving but difficult choice.

What Are the Dangers of Nursing Homes?

Nursing homes can unfortunately pose a variety of dangers to elderly residents. One major concern is substandard quality of care, as some nursing homes fail to have enough well-trained staff available or properly supervise and assist residents. This can lead to incidents of neglect, such as residents not being regularly bathed, changed, or turned to prevent bed sores.

Some homes experience medication errors due to overworked staff as well. Nursing homes may also have safety issues such as poor infection control, fire hazards, or building disrepair that puts seniors at risk.

Nursing homes often use physical restraints and psychotropic medications improperly to control challenging behaviors of dementia patients rather than providing behavioral interventions. Sadly, cases of elder abuse are also not uncommon in some facilities.

All of these dangers emphasize the need for families to thoroughly vet any nursing home before placing a loved one there. Regular visits to observe care and advocacy to resolve issues can help keep nursing home residents safe.

What Are the Benefits of Keeping Your Parents at Home?

Keeping elderly parents at home provides many benefits for both the parents and the family. Parents are able to retain their independence and remain in a comfortable, familiar environment. Staying in their own home avoids the stress of adjusting to a new facility.

Parents also benefit from ongoing interaction with family and friends who can visit easily. For the family, caring for parents at home allows closer bonding and monitoring to ensure quality care. Home care also allows parents to maintain valued routines, hobbies, and involvement in community groups for social engagement.

Healthcare expenses may be reduced through insurance coverage of home health services. Adult children balancing caregiving with jobs and family obligations may find it more convenient to have parents living with them or nearby. With in-home care and physical modifications, parents may be able to remain at home safely even with mobility limitations or illnesses like dementia.

These benefits emphasize why keeping parents at home should be an option seriously considered before turning to nursing home care.

Here is a table listing the benefits of keeping your parents at home:

Benefits of Keeping Your Parents at Home
Retain independence	Parents can continue living on their own terms in a familiar environment
Stay in comfortable surroundings	Avoiding relocation stress by remaining in their own home
Ongoing family & friend connections	Social engagement is easier through local network of loved ones
Closer family bonding	Caring for parents at home allows quality family time together
Maintain valued routines & activities	Parents can continue hobbies, community groups, etc. that enhance quality of life
Potentially reduced costs	Home health care may be less expensive than facility care in some cases
Convenience for family caregivers	Adult children can more easily balance work and caregiving with parents living nearby
Aging in place despite limitations	With some assistance, parents can remain at home even with mobility issues or dementia

The Cost of Nursing Homes vs In-Home Care

Nursing homes and in-home care are two common options when seniors require ongoing assistance. While nursing homes provide comprehensive medical care and supervision, in-home care allows seniors to receive support while remaining in their own home. The costs for each type of care can vary significantly.

According to the Genworth Cost of Care Survey, the average monthly cost for nursing home care ranges from $7,908 for a semi-private room to $9,034 for a private room. This all-inclusive rate covers housing, meals, activities, medical care from licensed staff, medication management, personal care, and more.

In contrast, the monthly costs for in-home care depend heavily on the hours of care needed. For part-time care at 40 hours per week, in-home care averages $4,680 monthly. At 80 hours per week, the monthly cost rises to $9,360 which is similar to a nursing home. For round-the-clock care at 168 hours per week, in-home care jumps to $19,656 monthly.

Additional factors like the need for medical care or live-in assistance can increase in-home costs further. However, in-home care may allow seniors to retain more independence and remain comfortable in familiar surroundings. Understanding the costs and services of each option helps families select suitable care. Consulting with a care advisor can provide greater insight into costs based on a senior’s unique needs and resources.

How to Keep Your Parents Healthy at Home?

Here are some tips for keeping elderly parents healthy at home:

• Encourage activity and exercise. Even light physical activity like walking or stretching helps seniors stay mobile and prevents muscle loss. Make sure they have any assistive devices needed for stability and fall prevention.
• Monitor their diet. Prepare nutritious meals and snacks, focusing on nutrient-dense whole foods. Stay hydrated and eat fiber-rich fruits/veggies. Supplement with vitamins if needed.
• Schedule regular doctor visits to manage existing conditions and get preventative screenings. Keep a list of medications and dosages to review with the doctor.
• Reduce home hazards that could cause falls like loose rugs, clutter, poor lighting, etc. Install grab bars in bathrooms and railings on stairs.
• Keep the mind stimulated with games, puzzles, reading or social visits. Support hobbies and learning new skills. Manage conditions like dementia with behavioral strategies.
• Watch for signs of depression, isolation or caregiver stress. Provide emotional support through quality time together. Consider in-home counselling if needed.
• Know emergency protocols and have medical info readily accessible. Make sure they wear a medical ID bracelet if health risks exist.

With proper nutrition, home modifications, social engagement, cognitive stimulation and medical care, parents can stay healthy and independent in their own homes for longer.

What Are Some Activities for Seniors to Do at Home?

Here are some suggested activities for seniors to do at home:

• Read books, newspapers, magazines – libraries offer free deliveries for homebound seniors
• Put together jigsaw or crossword puzzles to exercise the mind
• Garden indoors or outdoors – nurturing plants is relaxing and rewarding
• Cook or bake favorite recipes and foods – makes the home smell great too
• Write letters/cards to loved ones or pen memoirs for the family
• Knit, sew, scrapbook or craft – great creative outlets
• Listen to music, radio shows, audiobooks or watch classic movies or shows
• Invite friends over to play card or board games
• Attend religious services or classes online or on TV
• Take virtual museum and travel tours online
• Sign up for lifelong learning programs through community colleges
• Video chat with friends and family – great for social interaction
• Do seated exercises like stretching or yoga to stay active
• Work on art projects like painting, coloring, sculpting or whittling
• Care for pets if able, which reduces stress and loneliness

The key is finding activities seniors enjoy that provide meaning, pleasure and social connection. Adapt activities as needed to accommodate any physical or cognitive limitations.

When Is It Time to Put Your Parent in a Nursing Home?

Determining when it’s time to transition an elderly parent to a nursing home is difficult. Here are some signs it may be time:

• They need round-the-clock medical care or supervision due to conditions like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, dementia, or after a stroke. Skilled nursing staff can provide the level of care needed.
• Daily activities like bathing, dressing, transportation, and housework have become challenging or dangerous at home even with assistance. A nursing home offers help with daily living.
• Medication management is complex with multiple prescriptions. Nurses can administer medications and monitor side effects.
• They feel isolated at home and need more social interaction or structured activities. Nursing homes provide companionship and engagement.
• Home safety is a major concern due to mobility issues or history of falls. A secure facility may reduce risk.
• Caregiver burnout has reached an unsustainable level for family members as your parent’s needs intensify. Nursing home staff provides respite.
• In-home care costs are comparable to a nursing home but care still feels inadequate. The higher level of care in a facility may be beneficial.

Putting aging parents in a nursing home is a difficult decision that many families face. While nursing homes provide medical care and assistance with daily activities, they also come with many drawbacks. Families should carefully weigh all their options when considering whether a nursing home is the best choice for their parents.

What are the Pros and Cons of Putting My Parents in a Nursing Home?

The benefits of nursing homes include around-the-clock medical care from nurses and aides, assistance with daily living activities like bathing and dressing, and social interaction with other residents. For parents with significant health issues like dementia, Alzheimer’s disease, or mobility limitations from stroke, a nursing home may provide the best care. The staff is trained to handle medical needs and watch for signs of falls or other emergencies.

However, nursing homes also come with significant drawbacks. Many residents suffer from loneliness and isolation, leading to depression. The quality of care can vary greatly between facilities, and some homes have issues with elder abuse or neglect. The loss of independence and separation from family and friends is emotionally difficult. Plus, nursing home costs can place a major financial burden on families.

When considering a nursing home, families should carefully weigh how it will impact their parents’ health, happiness, and finances. While sometimes necessary, a nursing home may not always be the best option.

What are the Other Options for Caring for My Elderly Parents?

Before choosing a nursing home, families should understand that there are other options for caring for aging parents. These alternatives allow parents to retain more independence while still getting care.

Adult day care centers provide medical care, meals, and social activities during daytime hours while allowing parents to still live at home. This allows for social stimulation and monitoring while reducing isolation.

For parents with terminal illnesses, hospice care can provide medical, emotional, and spiritual support in the home during end-of-life care. This allows parents to remain comfortable and loved.

Long-term care and respite care allow a break for caregivers while providing short-term nursing home care after incidents like falls or surgeries. This temporary stay allows recovery time before parents return home again.

What are the Differences Between a Nursing Home, Assisted Living, and Home Care?

When considering a nursing home, it helps to understand how it differs from assisted living facilities and in-home care options.

A nursing home provides 24-hour medical care from nurses under a doctor’s supervision. Care is available for significant medical issues, dementia, and disability. Nursing homes offer assistance with all daily living activities.

Assisted living facilities provide some medical care and assistance with certain daily activities like dressing and bathing. But residents still retain some independence in their own private apartments. Staffing levels are lower than at nursing homes.

Home care involves having a caregiver come to the home to provide some medical, personal, or household assistance for elderly parents. This allows parents to retain maximum independence and remain comfortable in familiar surroundings.

How Can I Ensure My Parents are Getting the Best Care Possible?

Choosing a high quality nursing home is essential to providing excellent care for elderly parents. To identify signs of quality care, look for engaged, compassionate staff and evidence-based care programs. The facility should be clean with no odors.

Watch for any potential elder abuse or neglect such as untreated bedsores, unexplained injuries, or unkempt residents. Quality nursing homes listen to families’ concerns and communicate regularly.

Caregivers play a key role in ensuring quality care. Build relationships with staff who care for your parents daily. Provide details on your parents needs and desires to guide personalized care. Make frequent visits to assess your parents wellbeing.

How Can I Cope with the Guilt of Putting My Parents in a Nursing Home?

Placing parents in a nursing home often leaves families with immense guilt and grief. This emotionally painful decision leads to caregiver burnout as families try to balance their own needs with caring for parents.

Understand that the feelings of guilt and grieving are normal when relinquishing daily hands-on caregiving. Seek support groups or counseling to process these feelings. Journaling, praying, or meditating can also help overcome the guilt.

Focus on the ways the nursing home benefits your parents, like increased safety and social interaction. Make the transition easier through frequent visits, bringing familiar items from home, and celebrating milestones together. Prioritizing your own self-care helps you be strong for your parents.

How Can I Support My Parents Emotionally During This Transition?

The nursing home transition is incredibly difficult emotionally for aging parents. They often feel profound social isolation after leaving their home and community. Here are some ways to provide emotional support:

Combat isolation by arranging regular video calls and visits with family and friends. Create opportunities for them to share wisdom with younger relatives. Celebrate birthdays and holidays together.

If your parents seem withdrawn or tearful, speak to staff about strategies for dealing with depression. Counseling, medication, or behavioral therapy can help manage difficult emotions.

Provide reassurance of your love and validate their feelings of loss. Offer spiritual and emotional comfort through this time of adjustment to a new home and community.

What is the Financial Burden of Nursing Homes and How Can It Be Managed?

Nursing home care puts huge financial strain on many families with costs averaging $90,000-$100,000 per year. This expense quickly drains savings, putting parents’ financial legacies at risk.

Understanding all costs ahead of time allows for realistic financial planning. Look beyond the basic monthly fee to extras like medication, transportation, and special equipment expenses. Consult with financial advisors to map out a budget and funding sources.

The difficult decision-making about nursing home placement often involves siblings or multiple generations. Open communication about values, care priorities, and financial constraints allows for unified decisions. Seek agreement about what costs family members can contribute.

With careful consideration of all options and honest conversations as a family, you can make the best choice to care for your aging parents while supporting their wellbeing and your own.

Frequently Asked Questions